18. On "Strong Like Water" & Leaning into Vulnerability with Laila Tarraf
Overview
In this episode, I’m joined by Laila Tarraf, a senior human resource executive who is currently the Chief People Officer of Allbirds, a sustainable footwear and apparel brand, and the author of the recently released book, “Strong Like Water: How I found the Courage to Lead with Love in Business and in Life.” In this beautifully written book, Laila is generous with her own vulnerability in sharing her personal story so that we all can learn through her experiences of both loss and growth.
Together we talk about becoming a heart-based leader, what being “soft but strong” and “firm yet kind” looks like, and the power of leaning into discomfort. Laila shares what she learned at Peet’s Coffee about what it takes to create an environment where employees feel like they can bring their full selves to work and offers tips on both how to strengthen one’s heart as a leader and how to build Sustainable Ambition for oneself. We close by talking about the power of taking pauses, and Laila shares a favorite quote by Brother David Steindl-Rast (which I loved, too!): “You know the antidote to stress is not necessarily rest.... The antidote to stress is wholehearted living.” Amen!
I encourage you to pick up Laila’s beautiful book. Not only is it a wonderful read, it will leave you feeling inspired to lean into your own growth journey.
Thank you so much for being in conversation with me, Laila!
More about Our Guest
Laila Tarraf is a senior human resource executive with over 25 years of professional experience. After graduating with her MBA from the Haas School of Business at the University of California at Berkeley, she became one of the founding team members at Walmart.com. She then served as Chief People Officer at Peet’s Coffee and Tea, an iconic Bay Area premium coffee company. Currently, Laila is the Chief People Officer at Allbirds, a sustainable footwear and apparel brand. She is also a trusted advisor to entrepreneurs and investors and is a regular guest lecturer at Berkeley Law School.
Laila is also the author of the recently released book, “Strong Like Water: How I Found the Courage to Lead with Love in Business and in Life.”
Topics Covered
Laila shares her background as an immigrant who moved from Lebanon to the U.S. in the 70’s and subsequently lived between the worlds of being Lebanese at home and living in the American culture as a child and young adult. She describes how she grew up in this world of being both, but neither. She talks about how she took on the role of being mediator in her family and between her parents as the oldest of three, and how she chose early in life to model her father who was strong, as opposed to her mother who was more vulnerable
Laila talks about how early in her career she relied on being an achiever focused on delivering results, and she learned over time that it's more powerful and rewarding to bring people along rather than simply be right.
She points out the challenge of making the transition from being an individual contributor to a leader, as what made one successful before is no longer what will make you successful as a leader. She notes that the work of being a leader is often invisible, like the work of removing obstacles and greasing the skids to enable things to happen.
To grow as a leader, it’s important to step away from problem solving and be willing to stay in the discomfort of difficult conversations. In doing so, you can help build your emotional resilience. In these moments, pay attention to the context just as much as the content.
What does “firm yet kind” look like? Saying the hard thing while being emotionally connected is hard to do. But, it is more kind and more powerful to stay present and hold the space while dealing with hard communications. It takes courage to be vulnerable and stay with discomfort. In doing so, being “soft” becomes a true strength.
How does success look different as a heart-based leader? The real success is in doing it together.
Our cultural norms are changing (thankfully!) to allow for more softness, more vulnerability, both for men and for women to lead in a wholehearted way.
What can companies and individuals do to bring their whole selves to work? For the organization, create psychological safety, and for individuals, embrace a growth mindset and have the courage to grow.
What can leaders do to create that psychological safety? It needs to start at the top and be embodied by people at the top. Some of the other behaviors to champion: leadership needs to be approachable and accessible, invite feedback, model openness and vulnerability, and drop the façade.
We talk about the need for us to have compassion for others as managers and leaders and self compassion, as well. Laila shares how she sees in this younger generation today just how hard on themselves they are. So Laila does the opposite of what you might expect from a leader; she has learned to show her own fallibility. We need to ease up on ourselves and cut each other some slack.
How does one strengthen their heart as a leader? Laila’s suggestions, while she admits she doesn’t know if she has the answer, is to try and notice where you are getting stuck and pay attention to the dissonance that shows up between your head and heart. Listen to the somatic intelligence available to you. Quiet the mind so you can hear yourself and the signals. Give yourself time and permission to stay with the discomfort and do so with kindness and self-compassion. In doing so, you deepen your ability to self-reflect and self-observe.
Advice for going back after the pandemic and dealing with difficult times of adversity? Take it easy. Don't rush it. For individuals: work on building resilience. For companies - embrace being flexible and empathic, while being principled.
I asked Laila her perspective on taking pauses, something that I champion as part of Sustainable Ambition. She heartily endorses them, acknowledging she's taken them over the course of her own career. She believes it’s such a 1990’s view to think of sabbaticals or pauses as bad and that if companies don’t seem to understand it, it’s likely not the right company to work for.
She mentions, as well, a quote she loves (and I loved, too!) from her book said by Benedictine monk, Brother David Steindl-Rast: “You know the antidote to stress is not necessarily rest.... The antidote to stress is wholehearted living.”
I ran out of time with Laila, but a final piece of advice she shared with me to share with you is to “pay attention [there it is again - pay attention!] to what lights you up and what depletes you of energy. And then explore the things that bring you joy and eventually you'll find something that sustains you. And when you hit rough patches, use them as learning opportunities.” This builds on the importance of the Right Success pillar of Sustainable Ambition - define success for yourself and find it in purpose, strengths, and flow - activities that give you energy and bring you joy. Laila also writes about in her book and touches on in this talk the importance of building resilience, which relates to our third pillar, Right Effort.
Resources Mentioned
Laila's website: www.lailatarraf.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lailatarraf/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/laila.tarraf/
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18. On "Strong Like Water" & Leaning into Vulnerability with Laila Tarraf
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